What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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