Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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