I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
