Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
