Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
