What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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