i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
