Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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