Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
