I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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