my sisters under your porch take her home
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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