...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
