First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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