Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
