Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
whose parrot is this?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
