Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
