You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So squirting runs in the family.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
