i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
