We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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