Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
