I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
