I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
