She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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