I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
