so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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