its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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