Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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