I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
