PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
