I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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