I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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