May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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