i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
