I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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