Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
