I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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