and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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