I think I died a long time ago.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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