I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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