One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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