Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
