I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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