were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
