i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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