Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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