Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
