I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
