It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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