3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
