soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
