he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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