I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
