it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
