So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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